What Happens When A Loved One Refuses Help?

The risk of suffering injuries or developing serious health issues increases significantly once people turn 65. Older adults may need help managing medications and their diet if they have diabetes or heart disease, which are common chronic conditions affecting older adults.

Your aging parents may also need support if they’re struggling with depression, and you may need to consider care options if they’re one of the millions of seniors who’ve suffered injuries from a fall this year.

Although your aging parents may need help, many older adults refuse support as they age. You may feel caught between respecting their wishes and doing everything you can to keep them as healthy and injury-free as possible. So, what do you do when your elderly parents refuse needed care? Let’s look at reasons aging parents may refuse help, the care options available, and how you can ensure your aging parents get the support they need to maintain their quality of life.

Why Do Older Adults Refuse Help?

Many older adults have difficulty accepting help as they age. The most common reasons elderly parents refuse care include:

• Cognitive decline: In the U.S., 10% of older adults have some degree of cognitive decline, such as memory loss or dementia. When a person’s cognitive functions are impaired, they may not recognize their need for care.
• Desire for privacy: Older adults may be concerned that they won’t be able to keep some things private if they move to a senior living or skilled nursing facility. Your aging parents may be concerned about people reporting to you and sharing things about themselves they don’t want you to know.
• Distrust: It can be difficult to trust new people entering their lives, and until trust is established, it can be hard to let them help with personal tasks, such as bathing and dressing.
• Fear: Older adults may struggle with fears that make them reluctant to accept help. Their fears can include any or all of the following:
  • Losing the family home.
  • Losing their independence.
  • Moving away from familiar places/their community.
  • Moving away from their friends.
  • Separation from their spouse.
• Pride and shame: Older adults may struggle to acknowledge they need help because it makes them feel vulnerable. Some also feel ashamed that they can no longer function independently. They may also struggle with feeling like a burden to you and other family members.

Another key reason elderly parents refuse care is because of concern about finances. Whether you’re considering in-home care or moving your aging parents to a care facility, they may fear they don’t have enough money to cover the costs. If they have financial concerns, they may also struggle with shame if you’re paying for their care.

How Can You Talk To A Loved One Who Refuses Skilled Nursing Care?

Communication is key when you think it’s time for your aging parents to move to a skilled nursing facility. There are some steps you can take to communicate effectively when discussing their need for care.

1. Welcome their input: Start by
   1. Listening to them
   1. Identifying their real concerns

It’s possible they don’t want to move because they don’t want to lose touch with their friends. Promise to find a facility nearby and take them on day trips, so they can stay in touch with their friends.

• Explain your concerns: Ensure they understand you’re concerned about their well-being and quality of life.
• Answer their questions: Show your parents what life is like at a skilled nursing facility. Take them on a tour and give them time to ask questions. Older adults are more likely to welcome a transition to skilled nursing care if they understand the health, mental, and social benefits.
• Don’t avoid the tough stuff: Explain what costs Medicare or their insurance covers. This can help alleviate any financial concerns they have.

Ensuring your parents feel heard is crucial because they won’t feel like they’ve already lost their independence. They’ll feel respected. Additionally, when you take time to educate them about the benefits of skilled nursing care, they’re more likely to understand you want what’s best for them.

What Should You Avoid Saying During Difficult Conversations?

It’s important to treat your parents with respect during your discussion. Avoid statements that could sound like you’re blaming them for the situation.

For example, if you say, “I’m worried about your health and would like to talk about ways we can keep you healthy for years to come,” you’re expressing a concern. If you say, “You can’t live alone anymore because you can’t take care of yourself,” it sounds critical and judgmental. That type of “you” statement expresses judgment and contains an order, which could trigger a defensive response.

When Is It Time To Involve Healthcare Professionals?

It’s time to get healthcare professionals involved when your aging parents show signs of health issues jeopardizing their safety and quality of life.

Signs to look for include:

• Injuries
• Making mistakes with medication
• Memory loss
• Poor hygiene
• Social isolation
• Unexplained weight loss

How Can Monument Health Help?

Monument Health believes in the role of family in senior care. We encourage our residents’ adult children to provide input as we develop their customized care plan.

We communicate openly, providing information you can use to support your parents’ treatment.

We provide a safe, homey environment, and support for every aspect of their physical and mental health. We offer social activities to prevent feelings of isolation, and we welcome visits from family and friends, so your aging parents can stay connected with the important people in their lives, while getting the care they need.